Morning world! Guess what? I wokeup early today, well thats because i slept early lastnight :D Yesterday i was so exhausted. There was a football match yesterday between JAK and urg orchid garden, WTH urg orchid garden STINKS! BOO (: The result sama, 2-2. Semua urg exhausted including yg meliat jua pasal lalah bah meliat urg main bula ah :D Ergh i can feel my legs is in pain, 2days row jog. Today i dont think i'll jog outside of the house, i'll be jogging inside well sayang jua ada excercise equipment sini ani hehe. My most favourite one is that kind of horsey exercise haha it rides like a horse or you can say a bull. But i dont know i kinda want to jog outside, we'll see. So currently im so hungry rightnow, so starving! Im so craving for murtabak rigtnow and and mee goreng s: Theres nothing to eat wah breakfast today, i started my morning with perut lapar. Not cool! Eh so i am pretty obsessed with the kardashians, i missed to watch them dulu but due to nada masa i didnt often watch them. Gladly i've found the website to watch all the episodes from season1 to season4 (: Im dreaming to have a life like them, ok im dreaming again lame much! Hm and i have the most annoying night the other day! I mean TWO ANNOYING NIGHTS! WTH does it want?!! Ok before i post further i better stop, im avoiding to share those nights here so farewell world!

Okay i slept for like beberapa minit tadi, i didnt realised that i fell asleep and i wokeup mengajut. So as usual mun dh tebangun andang ku pyh tidur balik, besides this parut hungry so i waited for breakfast. So theres a lot in my mind lately, been thinking about the future and the past. Didnt know what i was thinking actually, and it made me really sick. I really need someone at the time like this but unlucky me nobody understands. I dont know who will i run to, who should i talk to when the fact is nobody around me believes and understands what im going through. Ok yes its getting annoying, many times dah ku ckp cemani but seriously i cant stand it. Sorang pun inda paham wah so why let it out kan? Inda jua pidah, diam saja act like im okay. Sometimes i just felt giving up. I dont know what else i could do to fix myself up, my life is a disaster. Ok shut that, im getting sad ): So i've been really aware about the supernatural things, i dont know why but i felt weird s: Lain2 bah di pikiran ah, i imagined macam2. Sometimes i even heard voices and kept seeing things but not dapan2lah like imbas2 saja, and what bugs me sometimes i felt someone is wacthing me. You can say im making up stories or crazy or whatsoever, well im not. I've been feeling so disturbed lately, nothing i could do except ignoring it. Apa kan gitahu durang? Pui ingau pun inda tu, kna ucap ada saja ku. Buang masa durang kan mikirkan. They dont even realised that im not okay, so why bother telling?? KAN?! Wasting everyone times. Shoot i better go, my eyes are getting really heavy.

Cant sleep when i really want to. Hm later on i'll be cutting this hair, i just got to look better wah i just gotta change all of my looks s: Lately ive been so bauri youknow. I kept thinking about beauty and stuff like that and seriously i need to lose this fats ): Pokonya I NEED TO LOOK GOOD! I dont know why im worried about this kind of things so much, maybe im just too obsessed on him? Sampai bauri kan about beauty sort of things. Yes i know im overacted but cana jua, bauri ku s: I think you all know what aku bauri kan ): Its not really cool you know having a long-term relationship like i had now, theres a lot that i have to worry about. Well im not saying im not happy with it its just that entah eh hard to explain wah. Theres a lot on my mind mun aku ani heartless wah bisai nada pyh ingau apa2 ani pengingau wah aku ah banci ku! Salah2 wah ingau krg salah then krg inda di ingau salah tah jua apakan sebenarnya yg LURUS?! And its so not easy you know to let go the thing or person that means a lot to you cematu saja but depends lah whats the reason and problems well if mcm aku ani sekali inda beperi kemanusiaan buleh tahan jua ni. Sekali nya bae, inda alang2 jua bae ku ni! Sekali hati ani sakit, gila ku minta ampun tah ku, aku sendiri pun banci! Bah enough about phathetic me. Huh i wish i was heartless, ani payah bah behati ah kana buat macam BODO! Currently now im just sitting down cheering myself up with music. Sadih ku wah. BAURI WAHH! Bae ni situasi cemani ah!! Membari kan menampar wah diri ah BANARTAHHH. Eh sial banar eh, my heart beats laju banar wahhh apa makna nya kan tu )': Heartache and Headache EHHH! And huh nightmare kelmarin was... STUPID! Let me just keep it to myself wont be telling NO ONE, I REPEAT NO ONE! Who cares anyway, perasahan si dayang ani! Ok im out of mood, KUSUT!


Morning earthlings. Guess what? I wokeup at 4am tadi and yes i slept early lastnight. Well i was terbangun tadi subuh pasal i felt hot wah tadi yatah i cant sleep balik s: Well anyways, breakfast just now was good nasi goreng cornbeef (: I messaged my baby just now, playing pool just now tadi with my dearest broHM and youtubeing as usual. So far atu sja ku buat since i wokeup tadi.I wish i can jog on this kind of morning but too bad no dangan, di bawa si bro ani mcm2 ckp nya tapi TEBUAT KRG MAIN BULA LAJU YA! Kebelakangan ani my bro boring, all he thinks about is FOOTBALL, FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALL!! I was like, " eh aku bini2 wah jgntah ckp pasal bula wah mun bawa aku main inda jua dripada mendangar you talking, talking and talking!". HAHA okay end that part. And yes i was planning kan jog krg with my baby but entah my bro ani want him to play football krg so yeah i dont know either let him play with them or jog with me krg, belum decide. Ok what else? Oh yes this friday which means tomorrow, planning kan bwa my bro begunting esuk cuz beloved grandma balik2 dah tagur about his hair. We'll see tommorow cana either ikut makteh in the morning atu cuz ia keraja di gadong esuk or make up other plans. Ok im finished, have a good day !

Right its almost 1am and as usual im still awake, but actually sleepy plg ku sudah ni. But somehow di bwa tidur inda mau, my mind kacau s: I got this weird sick from tadi morning, i felt i want to vomit and oh gosh the headche tadi really kuat kan mati rasanya ): And my neck sakit jua wahhh sibuk2 tah jua ): Huh so you can see that my day today went.... unwell. But yes seperti biasanya i fake to everyone that im okay. Did meet my baby tadi which surprised me. I didnt know that he'll be coming tadi, when he came i was still in bed sleeping. Not much said, just some silly issues about this blog thingy and about my pakaian. I was like " can you give me a rest baby, im tired! ". Inda plg ku ckp cematu awu ada sja kana amuki, what i meant is my expression. And yes im getting worried about his obessesed on wanting to be a rpk soldier, urg worried inda ya ingau wah! I did bibiran to him not to join the rpk army but still he keras kepala inda maumau, huh jgntah wah babe keraja lain sja bah ): Hm okay end that part, hm what else? Erk im blank my head is paningflies rightnow, i need to rest my eyes in peace. p/s: I have annoying skin, my face part is bright when it comes to the other part is dark. huh i need to do someting to fix that. And whats more annoying that i eat much and my body's weight is getting berat wah. I seriously need some exercise or something that could make this fats all gone. BABE EH BAWA ALING JOGGING BAHHH!!!! I REALLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT ): Currently, im craving for swimming pool for my exercise routine!



Okay its 17th of January and i would like to wish my lil bud here a HAPPY 9th BIRTHDAY! (: Sorry nada present istimewa dri kaka mu yg tercinta ni but wish all the best for you. I know you are a goodboy and always remember that WE LOVE YOU!! And hope all your dreams cometrue, yatah belajar tah bisai2 (:

Hm I just wokeup from sleep, ya its weird i slept early today. Well due to my stupid headache like always. And oh yeah guess what? BADNEWS! Im not going to miri this weekend, HUH! I have to attend that SPA writing test on sunday morning! GILA! So....lately ive been really alone, i mean i felt it. You know how does it feel when you dont know who will you run to or talk to, well it happens to me. Thats why i let it all out here. I keep it all to myself. Siapa mau jua tahu kan? NO ONE. And its sad when no one believes you, well it happens to me too. Its funny yaknow sorang pun doesnt get me at all, even the one that i trust. Like him example, why should i tell you whats my problem baby? Can you do anything about it? NO KAN? Do you believe me? NO KAN? All you know is pressuring me, dont you ever said you understand me when youre not and when you dont believe me at all. Those words you said today hurt me somuch as if im crazy and making up stories. Tell me why should i run to you? When you did nothing at all to make it okay. Tell me why should i talk to you? When you dont even believe me. I thought you'll be the one that i can count on to but obviously youre not, from the beginning i was always alone ): And lately this questions always pops on my damn mind, do we ever desserves each other? We've been ups and downs for these years, i do love you but its hard to face the whole fact when it comes to understanding. I admit theres a lot missing but you dont realised it at all, it made me more sad and all in doubt. I felt you are keeping me hanging around and i felt you dont care at all this special thing we have. I felt i dont know how to deal with you anymore. I dont know what to do except giving all the love to you. I gave you too much attention but theres none for me, thanks for nothing!! (: Bah, OFF!

Ok almost oneweek i didnt blog, its weird nowadays i dont blog much when i actually have a lot to talk about. If dulu segala gala kan di keluarkan di sini but now hm different, biar tia ada yg secret. So my life? Hm i dont know, all i know i really need to fresh my mind. Probably this weekend i'll be heading to miri with my baby and drg makteh, i was surprised makteh sendiri invite my baby to follow. ok i know i dont sound that excited hm i dont know eh whats wrong with me. My mind kacau wah! Im in period lagi masani huh lagi kacau!I dont like pms s: Anyways lately ive been spending my time with the youtube sims thingy, i found it really fun to watch when i dont really have so much to do. Gosh, im a youtube geek! Ok skip that, im annoying! So tadi whatsup with that BITCH?! I mean whats wrong with me marung marung? Nada cali ia yg ia ketawa macam urg sinting tadi atu! BAE KAU AH DANG DPN URG GANYA TU KAU TAE PALAT AH KIMA ULAH GILABAE BERAKAL LAGI KANAK2 BUDUH! Sabar kau dulu, inda lama tu kau ah (: Bah ok skip that and yes i have another story about the girl who inda sadar diri! I fought with her and it was abig fight glad ada broHM mun inda kana banar ya. Why ah so stupid? Out2 bah cakap nya, ketara wah out of words ah. Mun diri atu salah diam tah saja ani inda mau mau lagi tu kan melurus kan diri nya yg tarang2 salah ah. Mengapa kan ah palui tu? Urg yg salah tetap salah bah!! Why menangis? Ia jua inda takut apa2, ia jua good in everything MANA TIA URG BERAKAL AH? MANA?! Mana tia urg membanggakan diri nya ah MANAA?! TAEEEE. Mikin betambah ku banci meliat muhanya apalagi kan menagur PUI! Ok mental ku think thats all for today. And i know banyak words " ok " today, im not in a good mood. Gonna cheer myself up with youtube, weird!

Im so stress out right now at the same time im really mad. This life is making me crazy! No one actually support me if they are they will understand me!!Aweh drg mcm banar ckp support aku lah apa lah, MANA?!!! TAEEE. My patience is out of limit. I hate when people force me do the things that i dont want to do. Its hard for me to do something that i am not interest to. Its my life and i ride it but pity people around me dont get it. Di mata urg aku ani lakas giveup in doing something inda mencuba lakas putus asa, okay they can say macam atu. Tau drg kan yg aku mencuba or inda? INDA KAN? OKAY LET ME SAY THIS STRAIGHT " I WONT GIVEUP IF I DONT TRY A.K.A AKU INDA KAN PUTUS ASA BILA KU BELUM CUBA, AKU INDA KAN PUTUS ASA CEMATU SAJA. People always pandang aku cematu tpi drg inda tau macam mana payah nya ku berusaha. Prkataan " inda sanggup or giveup atu inda akan keluar dari mulut ku cematu saja bila ku inda mencuba ". What does it feels when you have to live a life like mine? Everyone is up when im the only one is down. Whatever, maybe this is the test that ive been given from above. And okay one more thing whats up my emotional? Okay yes aku ani pemarah pemental pengusut stress urang nya, bila inda kacau utak ku ani inda ku cematu bah! EH KENAPAKAN URG MASANI TAU CKP SJA, MERASA SENDIRI WAH BARU BECAKAP!

SHOOT! Im craving for these, i just got to have it wahhh ): I found out barang barang ani ada yg murah but still im broke HUH s: I desperately need them 0: SPAN

So......HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Its new year and im sure people around the world got their own aims for this year 2010 (: So i celebrated my new year with drg makteh and my baby (: Called mom lastnight saying a happy new year! " We cant promise mom but we'll try (: ". So for 2010 im desperately hoping for a better life, a happy relationship and a happy normal family. Im going all the way to fix everything. I had enough with 2009 because i failed eveyrthing ): Huh im speechless, out of words s: I dont feel like semangat for this new year mcm i felt every year sma saja ): Okay im OFF.